The Etiquette of Sports & Games

By Barbara | Published: June 21, 2010

The degree of sportsmanlike behavior that one displays, either as a spectator or as a player, is a true mark of a gracious, civilized person.

Do:
* Be on time.
* Be neat and wear proper clothing.
* Play because you enjoy it, not for the sake of winning.
* Be considerate toward other players.
* Be a gracious winner.

Don’t:
* Cancel at the last minute.
* Grunt, whistle, or make sounds while playing.
* Lose your temper.
* Stop in the middle of a game to complain.
* Make inappropriate comments to anyone.

TENNIS

Do:
* Dress in proper tennis attire. Inquire about the club’s dress code before arriving.
* Change sides of the court every other game.
* Wait until other players have finished their play, before retrieving a ball that went into their court.
* Ask your opponent if he or she is ready for your serve.
* Congratulate your opponent at the end.

Don’t
* Take your shirt off.
* Question the referee.
* Use a court longer than the appropriate time.
* Brag about how good you are at the sport. Use excessive force with a smaller opponent.

GOLF
With so many public courses nowadays, golf is no longer just a rich man’s game. It has also become a very popular sport all over the world.

Do:
* Let any player tee off at the first hole. After that, the person with the lowest score tees off first. He has “honors.”
* Look before you swing. If your shot approaches a player ahead of you, call out “Four.”
* On the green or the fairway, allow the person whose ball is farthest from the hole or cup play first. He is “away.”
* Repair as much of the course as you can, including divots, pits make by high shots, and the bunkers.
* Ask your caddy to repair the course.

Don’t:
* Make noise or talk loudly, as it will distract the players.
* Step anywhere in the area between another player’s ball and the cup.
* Hold up the game if you are a slow player. Let faster foursomes play through if yours is very slow.
* Have fits or show uncontrolled rage.
* Hit your shot until the group ahead of you is out of range.

BASEBALL
When faced with a bad call: forget it as soon as possible and get re-focused.
When questioning a call: never turn and face the umpire. State your objection looking at the pitcher.
When discussing a call: direct your comments towards the call, not the umpire.

JOGGING
Give the right of way to pedestrians – unless you are on a track designed for jogging, then pedestrians have to give you the right of way. Always stay on the right side of a city track when jogging or speed walking.

MOUNTAIN BIKING
The growth in popularity of mountain biking means adopting good trail etiquette.

Do:
* Slow down or stop and pull over when you encounter hikers on the trail.
* Call out or ring your bicycle bell when approaching hikers from the rear, then slowly pass them.
* When approaching people on horseback from the front, pull over and let them pass. If you are coming up the trail from behind, ask which side is best to pass them on.
* Take a bicycle pump, tools, a spare tube, a small first aid kit, and some food and water. Plan your route.
* Leave the trail clean.

Don’t:
* Skid around corners; it is not safe and ruins the trails. Turn slowly or dismount and walk.
* Use trails that are not open to mountain bikers.
* Behave like a boor; be polite to others on the trail; say “Hi.”
* Overdo it; know your abilities.
* Scare the animals.

Excerpt from: All Etiquette: A Power Guide by Fredrica Cere Kussin

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Wedding Finance 101

By Barbara | Published: June 15, 2010

You’re engaged! Congratulations! But before you start making any plans, you must figure out how much you’ve got to spend on the special occasion.Traditionally, the bride’s parents footed the bill for the wedding and reception, or at least the majority of the wedding expenses. Today, although many parents still finance their children’s weddings, they’re not obligated to do so.

Don’t take for granted that either set of parents can foot the bill for whatever lavish affair you’re envisioning. It’s essential to have frank discussions with everyone involved early on in the planning stages so everyone is clear about who is paying for what.

Traditionally, Who Pays for What?
When considering expenses, it’s helpful to see the customary guidelines for paying wedding costs.

Paid for by the bride:
* Groom’s ring
* Gift for the groom
* Gifts for attendants
* Blood test for marriage license
* Lodging for bride’s out-of-town-attendants
* Accommodations for clergy, if necessary

Paid for by the bride’s family:
* Bridal consultant/wedding planner
* Invitations and announcements
* Church and reception flowers
* Bride’s bouquet
* Bridesmaids’ bouquets
* Music for ceremony, including organist fee
* Transportation of bridal party to ceremony site and reception
* Church fee
* Reception dinner
* Music at reception

Paid for by the groom:
* Bride’s ring
* Gift for the bride
* Gifts for attendants
* Marriage license
* Mothers’ corsages and boutonnieres for men in wedding party
* Lodging for out-of-town best man and ushers
* Clergyman fee
* Honeymoon expenses

Paid for by the groom’s family:
* Traveling expenses and lodging, if necessary
* Reception beverages
* Reception hors d’oeuvres
* Gift for couple
* Rehearsal dinner

Paid for by the bridesmaids:
* Dress and accessories
* Transportation to and from the wedding
* Gift for couple
* Bridal shower

Paid for by the ushers:
* Transportation to and from the wedding
* Wedding attire rental
* Gift for couple
* Bachelor party

Paid for by the out-of-town guests:
* Transportation and accommodations
* Gift for couple

For years, it was standard procedure for wedding expenses to be divvied up in this manner. But these days, no hard-and-fast rules govern who should pay for what. Plenty of exceptions apply, based on the financial means of the bride, groom, their parents, and the attendants. And many couples today can pay for their own weddings. Also, attendants often pay for their own accommodations.

But there’s a right way and a wrong way to figure out who should foot the bill for what. Don’t automatically expect anyone to contribute or assume how much they’ll give. Sit down and discuss with all parents the kind of ceremony and reception you’d like. If they’re prepared to contribute to the festivities, they’ll offer to do so during this conversation. It’s bad form to ask for money for your wedding.

The Bride’s Family’s Contributions
At one time, wedding receptions were almost always paid for and hosted by the bride’s family. The style and formality of the party matched the bride’s family’s means, not the groom she was marrying. But today, there’s no strict rule about the bride’s family footing the bill, although many still pay for the majority of the wedding expenses.

The bride’s family should not be expected to pay for anything, but they should be given the opportunity to contribute. The bride’s family should be spoken to first about the dreams you have and plans you’d like to make. They have “first refusal” to host the affair. It’s not appropriate for them to ask the groom’s family to contribute. That ball rests squarely in the groom’s family’s court.

The Groom’s Family’s Contributions
The groom’s family can offer to help with the wedding expenses, although they’re also not obligated to do so. If they’d like to contribute to the event, they should speak with their son and future daughter-in-law, not the bride’s family. If they contribute quite a bit toward your special day, their names should appear on the invitations as co-hosts of the wedding.

Divorced Parents’ Contributions
If your parents are divorced, you should give all the parental units the courtesy of telling them your plans so they’re kept in the loop and have the chance to contribute if they want. Do this separately if possible, unless your divorced parents are extraordinarily close or they had a preexisting plan to help you finance your wedding. Again, contributing anything is their choice, not their obligation.

Financial Do’s and Don’ts
As a matter of taste, don’t mention what anyone else is giving you. If a question is posed, answer with a percentage of the total budget, not a figure. “Dad said he’d pay for 30 percent of the wedding cost” is more gracious than saying “Dad gave us $6,000.”

Do take any gift money offered with appreciation. Remember, some parents dream of the day they’ll see their daughter of son marry, and many have saved over the years just for this occasion.

TIP: Don’t obligate yourself to invite someone who otherwise might not have made the cut. When speaking to potential guest, answer something non-committal, like “I’m so touched you want to come! I’m not sure yet how small or large the wedding will be, so I’ll have to let you know.”

TIP: Before you sit down with your parents to discuss money matters, talk to wedding planners about the average cost of weddings in your area, or find out the fees for the banquet hall where you’d like to hold your reception.

TIP: If you have set ideas about how you want your wedding to be and who you want to be there, don’t expect a blank check from anyone without them wanting a say in your wedding, which has now become partly their party, too.

Excerpt from: The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Wedding Etiquette by Robyn S. Passante

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Wedding Reception Seating

By Barbara | Published: June 7, 2010

It’s easy for brides and grooms to use the “it’s my wedding and I’ll do what I want” excuse for any and all decisions along the way. But there are actually a few tried-and-true right and wrong ways of doing things, and you’d be wise to err on the side of tradition in some circumstances.

Musical Chairs
Part of planning a decent party is being sure everyone in attendance will be comfortable. So if you’re serving food that’s more substantial than buttered hors d’oeuvres, each guest must have a seat. Granted, chances are extremely slim that every single guest will be sitting down at the same time, but don’t use that as an excuse to skimp on the number of chairs you rent or the size of the banquet hall you select. People use their seats as their own little “home base” throughout the reception – it’s a place to put their jacket or purse, to stash their wedding favor and program, and to sit and enjoy their slice of cake. Don’t deny them this tiny pleasure.

Even during a cocktail hour, when nearly all guests are comfortable standing and mingling, be sure at least a few tables and seats are available for your oldest guests, those who are pregnant, or those who have special needs.

Creating a Seating Plan
The smallest and most informal wedding receptions don’t need ordered seating arrangements of any kind. Just be sure adequate seating is available. For larger and more formal receptions however, you do need to provide some order if you’d like to avoid the chaos of 300 people trying to choose their own seats.

There are two types of assigned seating: assigned tables and assigned seats. If you’re serving a buffet or a semi-formal sit-down meal, assigned tables are the way to go. You should have a table set up near the front door with a place card for every guest, arranged alphabetically by last name. Include on the place card the table number that guest is assigned to. Arrange the table numbers in the middle of each table. Be sure they’re large enough to be read fairly easily from both sides of the room. And number the tables in a logical order so that your guests don’t have to hunt for their assigned table.

When deciding who should sit where, keep the big picture in mind and use common sense. It might not be wise to sit your alcoholic uncle right next to the bar. And your grandmother probably won’t be very comfortable right in front of the DJ’s booth and speakers. Seat families with small children at tables with easy access to the restrooms. If the dance floor cuts the room in half, seat guests of both the bride and groom on each side to encourage age mingling.

If you’re having a very formal reception and would like to have assigned seating, you must provide a seating chart – one at each entrance to the reception hall, if possible – that lists the guests alphabetically with the table number where they’re assigned. Individual name cards should then be placed above the dessert spoon and fork at each table setting, with the table number prominently displayed at the center of each table. Again, make it as easy as possible for your guests to find their seat. On the place cards, use first and last names. Also, write the guest’s name on both sides of the card so people sitting across from them can see who they’re talking to.

Assigned seating is done in the best interest of your guests, so whenever possible, seat guests in a male-female-male pattern around each table. And use careful consideration when drawing up a diagram of the room and placing people together.

The first few tables often are easy to fill; grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are natural choices for shared tables. But then it gets harder. Consider interests, personalities, and ages when assigning strangers to dine together. You can mix guest of the groom and guests of the bride. Seat single guests together, but try to avoid an exclusively single-guest table, as that might make your single friends feel like outcasts. Instead, seat a few single friends at a table with a few of their married friends, if possible.

If you have 12 college pals to seat at tables for 10, split them evenly between two tables, and at each of those tables assign 2 couples who know each other, preferable ones who are near in age to your college friends, too.

If you’re inviting children and many are similar ages, you can seat them together at a kids’ table. But keep their parents at tables close by.

VIP Tables
At wedding receptions, your guests’ attention will be directed to you throughout the night. They’ll be raising their glasses to toast to your future and doing silly things to get you to kiss each other. Therefore, you should be seated at a head table that is centrally located and easily seen from all corners of the room. At your reception, whether you’re at a table on a raised platform or not, you are definitely on display. You are setting the example for acceptable behavior at your party, so behave.

Some brides and grooms wish to dine alone at a sweetheart’s table. If you do this, your honor attendants and parents should be at VIP tables to your left and right. Seat the attendants’ spouses with them as well.

If you prefer to share your head table with your honor attendants, the two of you should sit next to each other with the best man seated next to the bride and the maid of honor seated next to the groom. If you have more than those two attendants, seat the rest of the attendants around the table in groomsman-bridesmaid-groomsman fashion. Junior honor attendants typically sit with their parents, not at the head table. If you have both a maid and matron of honor, seat the maid of honor next to the groom and the matron of honor between two groomsmen at the same table.

This type of head table traditionally is raised from the floor and the entire bridal party sits facing the guests. Although some consider this setup a bit dated, it is in keeping with tradition and is a fine choice if that’s what you’d like. The head table may be decorated with your bridal bouquet and the bridesmaids’ bouquets, but be sure your guests can still see you clearly.

You may also choose to have a four-person head table just for you, your spouse, the best man, and the maid of honor. If so, the rest of the attendants should be seated at a table beside yours. Seating their spouses with them is optional and usually depends on how many seats you have per table.

Yet another option for a head table is to sit with your spouse and both sets of parents. This is rarely done but works well for small, intimate receptions.

If seating parents at a separate table, the parents of the bride and groom may be seated at the same table, along with the wedding officiant and his or her spouse. You could also seat both sets of parents at separate head tables with their respective family members. Both of these tables should be front and center, the closest to the bride and groom’s head table. Unless they have an unusually healthy relationship, seat divorced parents at separate tables with their respective friends and family.

Excerpt from: The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Wedding Etiquette

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Social Media Etiquette

By Barbara | Published: May 31, 2010

Protocol School of Washington Press Release

86% of Recruiters Use Social Media to Research Applicants
Citing Importance of Social Media Etiquette
PSOW Launches 4th Annual National Business Etiquette Week June 1 – 7

* Swearing at Work Tops List of Most Hated Business Behaviors

NY, NY – 5/24/10 – Research shows 86% of recruiters look at social media sites like Facebook (FB), Twitter and MySpace to learn more about job applicants and 44% don’t hire applicants based on their findings.[1] “What you say and do on-line is just as important as what you say and do in the workplace. Whether you’re job hunting or gainfully employed inappropriate behavior can be a deal-breaker,” says Pamela Eyring, President of the Protocol School of Washington, global leader in business etiquette and international protocol since 1988 and the first school of its kind in America to become accredited and recognized by the U.S. Department of Education.

To spotlight the importance of business etiquette, especially in today’s digital age, PSOW (www.psow.edu) is sponsoring the 4th annual National Business Etiquette Week June 1-7 offering tips and advice to help professionals recognize and combat bad behavior and act more professional. Historically, 85% of job success is connected to people skills including sending a hand-written thank you note after a job interview to show respect and distinguish yourself from the competition.

Top 5 Social Media Myths
1. FB is personal (FB is now used by businesses from shops to the Fortune 50)
2. FB is private (default privacy settings are minimal – select privacy settings manually)
3. Only my followers read my Twitter posts (the Library of Congress has started collecting Twitter posts as a way to record history)
4. Recruiters Don’t Look at MySpace or YouTube (recruiters look everywhere)
5. My FB profile and pix can be deleted (even deactivated content remains on FB’s server)

Top Most Hated Business Behaviors Internationally[2]
1. Using swear words (79%)
2. Arriving at work and not acknowledging fellow workmates (77%)
3. Speaking loudly across the room (66%)
4. Not offering guests a beverage (51%)
5. Taking calls on speakerphone (47%)

Top 5 Business Etiquette Mistakes & How to Correct Them
1. Unprofessional office attire (dress two levels above your position)
2. Improper handshake (use a firm, web-to-web handshake)
3. Poor eye contact (make eye contact 40% – 60% of the time in between the eye brows)
4. Poor dining skills (when in doubt watch the host)
5. Cell phone rudeness (keep phones on vibrate and use your library voice)


Founded in 1988 to meet the needs of an expanding global economy PSOW has trained over 3,000 graduates from 45 countries. Facilitators hail from The White House, the Disney Institute, corporate america and the military. Students travel to D.C from as far away as the UAE, Bulgaria, China, Great Britain, Ghana, India and Switzerland. PSOW is owned by Pamela Eyring who has worked with heads of state, four-star generals, CEOs and entrepreneurs.

www.psow.edu

[1] Execunet
[2] Servcorp

Thursday, May 27 2010 THE PROTOCOL SCHOOL OF WASHINGTON Press Release

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Presentation Awareness

By Barbara | Published: May 24, 2010

Evaluate Your Style

You can become your own best coach. Give your style a frequent checkup. The best way is to tape a presentation or practice session with a video recorder and then analyze the results. If you don’t have someone to operate the camera, that’s OK. You can set the camera up on a tripod in the back of the room and then just let it roll. During your review of the tape, use the following checklist as a guide.

* Gestures: Lively and comfortable, avoided getting stuck in one position
* Smile (lots of it)
* Eye contact: Three – to five-second mini-conversations
* Voice: Lively and energetic
* Pause: Used lots of pauses effectively
* Volume: Appropriate for the size of the group
* Volume: Varied loud and soft
* Appeared confident
* Avoided distracting mannerisms
* Whole body movement: Used the space well; did not pace
* Facial expression: The face was a messenger for the message, not stone-faced
* Appearance: Stood out among the crowd; appropriately dressed, used good color, quality; accessory drew attention to the face (tie, bold jewelry)

Presentation Awareness

The Pause: A powerful tool for communicators.

* The pause gives you time to develop the best possible message.
* The pause gives your audience time to digest what you just said.

To achieve the most effective pause, put into practice these Dos and Don’ts:

* Do maintain eye contact.
* Do remain silent for a brief period to avoid um.. uh.. like.. y’know.
* Don’t say the first thing that comes to mind. Pause and think before you speak.
* Do move your mouth only after your mind is in drive – NOT park, NOT neutral, NOT reverse.

Eye Contact:

* Tells the other person you are listening.
* Makes you a better listener.
* Focuses attention on the individual and makes him or her feel important while you look in control.

Stance – Men and Women:

* You look confident and in greatest control when you plant your two feet shoulder-width apart, weight equally balanced, square to the audience, regardless of the number – dozens or just one. This stance ensures that all of your energy manifests itself in facial expression, gestures, and upper body movements. Your message is strengthened and made clearer by your physical demeanor. Your confidence grows as you sense the control.

* A popular belief is that women should embrace a different stance, feet close together or with one foot placed slightly behind the other. Totally false. This stance robs the woman of the confidence and authority she wants to convey.

Excerpts from: The Protocol School of Washington and 101 Ways to Captivate a Business Audience by Sue Gaulke

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Minding Your Body Language

By Barbara | Published: May 17, 2010

Sending All the Right Signals: Body Language and Comportment

Cloths may make the person, but body language may make or break the deal. How you carry yourself when engaged in conversation is often as important as what you say. Body language is nonverbal, but it communicates volumes about you nonetheless. Paying attention to your body language communicates to others that you pay attention to detail.

Body language is an interpretive affair. Like most human behavior, your physical behavior is symbolic. Take some simple examples:
* Failure to maintain eye contact during conversations is a sign of evasiveness and cowardice to some people. In some cultures, however, avoiding eye contact is polite behavior.
* Stroking your chin while thinking is supposed by some people to indicate reflection and deep thought. But sometimes, your chin just itches.

The truth is that practically any behavior you engage in can be freighted with significance. You may scratch your ear one evening in a bar and, unknown to you, signal the man with the newspaper that the diamonds are in the umbrella stand.

With almost infinite symbolic interpretations for body language, no wonder people are nervous about it! Your best bet is to know about some of the body-language pits you can fall into and how to avoid them.

Standing
When you stand, you want to stand with your back straight, middle section in alignment with your back, shoulders back, and head up. This posture connotes comfort with yourself and ease in the situation.

Slouching, sticking your belly out, stuffing your hands in your pockets, and folding your arms defensively all suggest aggressive unease. Winding yourself up like a corkscrew, with your ankles crossed and your arms holding themselves, is the very picture of insecurity and nervousness.

Sitting
Take care in the way you sit, for no other position connotes so much on its own. Think of the diversity of sitting positions that you’ve seen in business meetings, from practically horizontal to alert and upright. Sit with a straight back and with your legs together in front of you or crossed, either at the knee or at the ankle. Normally, women don’t cross their legs, but men are allowed.

Given male and female physiology, the position of your legs while sitting can send some primeval signals to those around you. Take care that the signals you send are neither overtly nor covertly aggressive or sexual:
* Jiggling your knee is a sign of nervousness.
* Leaning forward can suggest aggressiveness at times, so do so with care.
* Leaning back with your hands behind your head and your pelvis lifted is an unseemly display for a man. So is sitting with your legs open if no desk shields your conversation partner from you. Avoid sitting with one ankle over the other knee in all but the most casual settings.
* Leaning back with your legs crossed and one side off the seat of the chair is an unseemly display for a woman. So is sitting like a sexy starlet on a late-night talk show.

Hands
Some people talk with their hands; others stand there with their hands glued to their sides. Most people haven’t the foggiest notion what their hands are doing when they talk.

Using your hands can be effective sometimes, aggressive sometimes, and irrelevant most of the time. Using your index finger can be effective in emphasizing a point. But plenty of chest-pointing bosses use their hands in a barely controlled way to assert their power over you.

Controlling your hands takes effort and willpower. Monitor your hand movements. Avoid making sweeping, cappuccino-clearing gestures during meetings. If you have to, sit on your hands.

Head movements
Head movements communicate important information. Nodding in agreement can be immensely helpful to others, but too much nodding makes you look like one of those bobbing dogs in the back window of a car. Shaking your head can signal disagreement or disapproval, but avoid shaking your head too much.

Facial expressions
Facial expressions are crucial in your repertoire of body language. No other part of your body can convey the immense richness of nonverbal communication that your face does. For example:
* You already know that smiles are important signals of generosity and nonaggression. But forced smiles are neither: They’re signals that you can barely tolerate the other person. And incessant smiles are signals of servility or foolishness.
* Likewise, frowns signal disagreement, disapproval, and sometimes anger. But they can also suggest hard thinking and focused concentration.

These facial expressions are the most obvious ones, but hundreds of others exist: an arched eyebrow, pursed lips, flared nostrils, squinting eyes, a wrinkled nose, a bitten lip, a tongue out of the mouth, a grimace, widely opened eyes … and on and on. Every one of them has a culturally agreed-on set of meanings.

Take a day to monitor your most frequently used facial expressions, and when the inventory is complete, assess their appropriateness and their effectiveness. You’ll probably be surprised by the kinds of things you weren’t even aware that you do!

You can learn to control all these emotions and develop a poker face, of course. Some people think that a poker face is a great thing to have in business.

Eyes
Maintain eye contact when talking with others. Do not study your hands or clean your fingernails while others are talking. When talking in a group, make eye contact with everyone; don’t focus on only one person.

Excerpt from: Business Etiquette For Dummies

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Etiquette & Protocol History

By Barbara | Published: May 10, 2010

This week is National Etiquette Week. Below is an article that provides the history of etiquette and protocol, written by Dorothea Johnson, Founder of the Protocol School of Washington.

ETIQUETTE AND PROTOCOL Past and Present

When it comes to protocol, those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter. — Bernard Baruch

Etiquette used to mean “keep off the grass.” When Louis XIV’s gardener at Versailles discovered that the aristocrats were trampling through his gardens, he put up signs, or etiquets, to warn them off. But dukes and duchesses walked right past the signs anyway. Finally, the king himself had to decree that no one was to go beyond the bounds of the etiquets. The meaning of etiquette later was expanded to include the ticket to court functions that listed the rules on where to stand and what to do. Like language, etiquette evolves, but in a sense it still means “keep off the grass.” If we stay within the flexible bounds of etiquette, we will give relationships a chance to grow; we will give ourselves a chance to grow; and we will be able to present ourselves with confidence and authority in all areas of our professional and personal life.

Teaching good manners was considered a part of a child’s upbringing in the U.S.A. until the 60’s. Public and private schools included etiquette as part of a well-rounded curriculum, and charm schools specialized in teaching the social graces, poise, and table manners. The liberated 60’s and 70’s brought about a decline in the popularity of etiquette programs. A renewed interest in the 80’s, the return to traditional values in the 90’s and now the fierce competition in the business arena has simply made etiquette another tool to provide a competitive edge.

Protocol has been observed since the ancient Egyptians produced the first known book, The Instructions of Ptahhotep. Along with the plow and the twelve-month calendar, they invented manners. It was about 2000 B.C. that the book was written in the hieratic script of priests. It is still preserved in the Bibliotheque Nationale in Paris and is known as the Prisse Papyrus (after the name of its donor to the library).

The term “protocol” is derived from two Greek words, protos meaning “the first” and kola meaning “glue.” Protocollum (also spelled protokollon) refers to a sheet of paper glued to the front of a notarial document giving it authenticity. Protocollum soon came to mean the process of drawing up official public documents, and eventually it meant the documents themselves. By the nineteenth century, the French term protocol diplomatique or protocol de la chancellerie referred to the body of ceremonial rules to be observed in all written or personal official interaction between heads of different states or their ministers. Today, the word protocol serves as the code of international politeness that blends diplomatic form, ceremony, and etiquette.

In business arenas today, the term protocol is often used instead of etiquette because it sounds more businesslike and official. Many companies have established their own rules of protocol as part of their culture to ensure smooth daily operations. Etiquette knowledge has always been a valuable business tool. Dress for Success guru John Malloy found that almost everyone he talked to agreed that the final indicator of class was the possession of certain social skills, Ninety-nine out of every 100 executives said that social skills were prerequisites to succeeding in business and social life. They indicated that one has to have suitable table manners, know how to carry on polite conversation, be able to introduce people without falling all over oneself, and be aware of simple rules of courtesy. Malloy also found that most business executives agree that handling oneself well at a cocktail party of the dinner table is at least as important as handling oneself skillfully in a boardroom.

Today, the personal and professional demands placed upon the business executive surpass any experienced in the past. The savvy executive must know how to explore new markets, develop opportunities worldwide, and master the techniques necessary to outclass the competition. Etiquette and protocol intelligence will propel the executive to world-class status. After all, good manners go hand-in-hand with leadership.

“Diplomacy is nothing but a lot of hot air,” said a companion to French Stateman Georges Clemenceau as they rode to a peace conference. “All etiquette is hot air,” said Clemenceau. “But that is what is in our automobile tires; notice how it eases the bumps.”

by Dorothea Johnson, Founder, The Protocol School of Washington

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Second Marriage Etiquette

By Barbara | Published: May 3, 2010

What to Include This Time Around (and What to Omit)
It may be the second marriage for one or both of you, but it’s the first marriage for you two as a couple. So you’re free to include as many traditional wedding rituals as you like, from the father/daughter dance to a big fat wedding cake.

It’s also acceptable to ask the same best man or maid of honor to stand up for you the second time around.

It’s also okay not to include some of the traditional wedding elements like having attendants, holding a rehearsal dinner, having the bride escorted up the aisle, and doing a garter and bouquet toss. But do be mindful that if you’re opting not to have attendants, you still need to have two witnesses sign the marriage license.

Bridal Blunder
No matter how much you loved the reception hall or the ornate cathedral where you were first married, don’t duplicate such venues the second time around or wear the same wedding dress.

Spreading the News
When it comes to announcing your engagement, any children you have should be the first to know. Your parents should be informed next, followed by an ex-spouse if children are involved. The ex need not give his or her blessing for this new step you’re taking, but they might be called on to help with your children’s transition into this new life with you.

When a bride or groom is remarrying, sending wedding invitations can be stressful. Those remarrying think about how many of their invitees received a wedding invitation from them sometime in the past. But as long as the invitation is carefully and correctly worded, it should only bring to mind the happy occasion of your upcoming nuptials.

For weddings with 50 or fewer guests, you don’t need to send formal invitations. You can invite people in person, on the phone, or by sending a brief note through the mail.

It’s perfectly acceptable to announce your marriage in the newspaper as you would a first wedding. If you’re mailing wedding announcements, follow the same rules and wording suggestions as for first marriages.

Those planning encore weddings also pore over their guest list, searching for possible etiquette missteps or something that might cause hurt feelings or awkward moments. In general, you may invite anyone you wish to your wedding, including friends and family who attended your first.

However, unless your ex-spouse is a close friend and also is friendly with your current love, the ex should not be invited to the wedding. Inviting former in-laws also is a judgment call you should make based on your current relationship and your soon-to-be-spouse’s feelings on the subject.

All Dressed in … White?
One of the biggest wedding etiquette myths is that it’s not appropriate for second-time brides to wear white on their wedding day. This isn’t outdated; it’s simply not true. A bride may wear any color or style of dress that flatters her. Another myth is that second-time brides should wear a shorter dress and avoid anything ankle-length. That, too is false. A bride should wear a dress that suits her wedding and her style.

However, second-time brides should forgo a blusher veil that covers the face; this is a traditional style reserved for first-time brides. You can wear a veil that cascades down the back, if it suits the style and formality of your dress and wedding. Also trains are fine, but a simple one is better suited than cathedral length.

If you’re having a traditional ceremony with attendants, all the usual etiquette rules apply. The style of formalwear should coordinate with the formality of the event you’re planning. It’s ultimately up to you what you have your attendant (and any children who are in the wedding) wear, but it’s a good idea to consult with them about their tastes and give them options whenever possible.

Exchanging Vows
If you used traditional wedding vows in your first ceremony, it is advisable that you write your own vows or together select the wording for your vows this time around.

Blending Families
Remarriages often aren’t just about joining two people; they’re about joining two families. You can include children in a remarriage ceremony by having them in the wedding party. A child can stand up next to his or her parent as an honor attendant or be a junior bridesmaid, junior groomsmen, ring bearer, or flower girl. Or, a child may escort his or her mother up the aisle and then take a seat of honor in the front pew.

Be mindful of age guidelines for attendants. For example, it’s not appropriate to make the groom’s 11-year-old daughter the flower girl in the wedding. She’s too old for this role. Instead, she could serve as a junior bridesmaid.

You can also include your children in your wedding by mentioning them in your vows. This is a good way to show them that you are pledging your commitment to the entire family, not just their parent.

Showers of Love
Any wedding comes with lots of well-wishing and often more than one pre- or post-wedding party. If this is your second (or third) time around this particular block, you might want to scale down the number of parties given in your honor.

A giftless shower might be a good option if you’re concerned about making people who’ve given you shower and wedding gifts before feel like they should do so again. It’s okay to include a note about the shower being “giftless” on the shower invitation, although you would never do this on a wedding invitation.

A note about hosting: just as parents or siblings should not host a shower for a bride, so should her own children not play host at a bridal shower for her. It is customary for her close friends to do the shower hosting duties.

Gift-Giving Do’s and Don’ts
Those getting married for the second (or third or fourth…) time can still register for gifts. A gift registry may be mentioned in a shower invitation, but be aware that guest who attended your first wedding and gave you a gift are not obligated to give another gift this time around – for either the shower or the wedding.

It’s still appropriate to give thank you gifts to people in your wedding party (if you have one). It’s also a nice gesture for either spouse to give a gift, something small and meaningful, to their new stepchild. This will go a long way in building a happy blended family.

Excerpt from: The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Wedding Etiquette

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How to Dress When Working The Room

By Barbara | Published: April 26, 2010

Dress Appropriately and Be Distinctive
Plan to make your first impression your very best impression. Within the first few seconds of your appearance, you are evaluated from head to toe, even if just by a glace. Once the first impression is made, it is essentially irreversible. Everything about you should communicate quality and a professional presence.

While different events will call for different attire – and in general, dark colors are recommended, consider being distinctive, making yourself memorable when meeting new people. A brightly colored, hand-painted tie or scarf, unusual jewelry, a good but not overpowering cologne and even flawless grooming will help people separate you from the crowd and remember you. You don’t have to be outlandish, but do present yourself so that you don’t blend in completely with the crowd.

Always make sure you have plenty of business cards in your pocket. A great tip for both men and women is to wear a jacket with spacious pockets. Why? One pocket will hold your business cards, and another pocket will hold business cards that you collect from others. This eliminates those potentially awkward moments when you are frantically looking for your cards.

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Internet Etiquette for Children

By Barbara | Published: April 19, 2010

Computers and the Internet are fun to use, and can be used to learn interesting things about the world. If your child has a computer that they can use anytime, there are some rules that should be followed or they could find themselves in some difficult situations. Difficult situations that can feel like a trap, or a ‘net’ that they just can’t escape. Internet etiquette is a lot like the etiquette for telephone manners.

DOs AND DON’TS OF INTERNET MANNERS
Do be polite and courteous at all times. Remember that you are not communicating with a computer screen, but a real person who has thoughts and feelings just like you. So always think of the person on the receiving end of your messages.

Don’t TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS for emphasis. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING! If you want to emphasize a word use italics, like this, or asterisks, *like this*.

Do remember that the written word is hard to interpret. When you speak to someone, that person can hear your tone of voice, or if they can see you, they can understand your meaning by the visual clues of your face and body. All of this is lost on the Internet, and sometimes responses can come across as mean or rude, even when you don’t mean it that way.

Don’t use rude or bad language online. Many service providers will terminate your account.

Don’t break any laws. Follow the same rules of behavior that you would follow in real life. Remember, if it is against the law in the real world, it is against the law on the Internet.

Do be universal. Other people have different Web browsers, different online service providers and different email programs. It is best not to send out email with text formatting, or indentations for example, because other programs might not be able to read the formatting and the recipients may receive your email with muddled codes.

Do be brief when possible. Others do not want to read through a lot of unnecessary information. When replying to an email, edit out unimportant information and anything that is repeated.

Don’t send rude or offensive emails or postings. It is bad manners and can get seriously out of control. If someone sends you something rude or offensive do not respond – you will never win. If this happens in a forum or chat room, or if you receive a hateful email, let your parents or teachers know.

Do always identify yourself. Your parents may require you to use an online name instead of your real name, that is fine – remember to use your online name consistently. Never send email without including your name at the bottom of the email. Also, do not post forum messages without identifying yourself, this is seen as rude.

Do make a good impression by making your messages easy to read. The written word is the only way you can represent yourself online, so spelling and grammar do count. Use paragraphs when you are writing a large amount. It will make it easier for others to read.

Do remember that lots of other people can read email too. It is never a good idea to say mean things or spread gossip on the Internet. Think about how you would feel if someone did this to you. Just remember, if you forget the rules, you could find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

Don’t talk to strangers on the Internet, even if you think ti would be fun, it is not safe. If someone you don’t know sends you an email, tell your parents right away. You should never go to a “chat” room without permission from your parent’s because there are a lot of strangers there.

Don’t tell private information (name, age, address or phone number) to anyone you don’t know on the Internet.

Don’t buy things or use a credit card on the Internet unless you talk to your parent’s first.

Thins to Remember About Your Email Account:
* Check for messages regularly so that you can respond quickly.
* Delete messages that you no longer need.
* Don’t send confidential information in your email. Others may be able to access and read it.
* If you write a message when you are upset, wait a little bit before you send it. Don’t be hasty!
* Don’t share another person’s email address without their permission.
* Always fill in the subject box so recipients can see what your message is about.
* Avoid sending chain letters. They can be annoying.
* Avoid opening or sending attachments because they can easily carry viruses. Not everyone has protection.

Things to Remember When Participating in a “Chat Group”:
* Before getting involved in a chat discussion, take the time to feel the group out, and always ask your parents for their permission.
* Stick to the topic of discussion.
* When quoting someone, only use the portion of the quote that is necessary.
* Avoid getting involved in rude and offensive postings.
* Don’t send personal messages to an entire group discussion, use email instead.
* When participating in a chat discussion or writing on sites such as Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin it is wise to keep religious, political, or racial opinions to yourself. Someone from a different culture could get hurt even if you didn’t mean to hurt their feelings.
* Remember whatever is said on the Internet is there for the whole world to see. If you would be embarrassed for something to be repeated at school, you probably don’t want it broadcast all over the Internet.

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